Thank you for giving me a second chance
Letters to my baby: letter one
Em bé ơi,
It’s November, your birth month. As I type this, my heart can’t help smiling. And I’m not just saying that because it’s what a mother is supposed to say. The truth is, it hasn’t always felt this way.
The day I found out I was pregnant was the day I began to close myself off from the world, both physically and digitally. Looking back, I realize I needed that extreme solitude to wholeheartedly and unflinchingly work on myself, so I could be ready for you. Maybe the old me needed to “die” so I could be reborn. Maybe I needed to let go of everything I thought I was to uncover what really mattered. Or maybe I was simply too burned out by people, places, and, all too predictably, life.
Do you know that during those nine months of growing you, I was also growing my own self? It was beautiful and rewarding, but also excruciating. Never in my life had I felt more lonely and sad, yet somehow, all I wanted was to be lonely and sad. Your dad, your grandma, and our family were there, but I couldn’t see them. Some might call it prenatal depression, but I knew it was much more than that. And it had nothing to do with you. If anything, you were the one who began to pull me out of it. Because as each day passed and you grew a little bigger, I felt a little better.
And then, on that special day in November, you were born. A new version of me was also born. Still fragile, but no longer completely helpless. Strong enough to step into the role of being your mom. As you learned to sit up, roll over, and crawl, I learned to feel emotions other than sadness: glimpses of joy, excitement, and peace. And now, as you are turning one and are strong enough to stand up on your own, I feel strong enough to stand up to the world again.
So thank you, my baby, for giving me a second chance. This time, with you as my anchor, my North Star, my life coach. Through you, I now see that being human is truly a miracle. Every new skill you master, every milestone you reach, every leap you take, every time you smile at me. You’ve invited me into a world of endless wonder and deep gratitude, one I never knew I deserved. Not a day has gone by without me thanking life for keeping me around, so I can walk beside you, support you, and learn from you. The greatest journey of my life is just beginning.
Happy almost 1st birthday, my love.
Mẹ yêu em.
In 2023, after becoming pregnant with my daughter. I decided to wipe my Instagram clean and stepped away from the world. Now, as my daughter turns one, I feel ready to reengage. Follow me on Instagram as I rebuild my feed and my life.